Helping Your Kids to Play Secret Santa: A Safe Guide for Parents

Secret Santa can be joyful experience for kids if adults help them set the rules and choose gifts. Without parents' help, misunderstandings arise easily: one child brings an expensive gift while another brings a keychain, one forgets about the game entirely, and another expects something magical.

Let’s break down how not to spoil the holiday for kids, how to avoid unnecessary conflicts, and how to resolve difficulties that little participants often face.

What To Agree On Before You Start

In the parents' group chat, agree on all the details there in advance to avoid future conflicts. Below are the key points to discuss.

Gift Budget

Here's a common issue with Secret Santa: one participant gives a LEGO set, while another brings a tiny magnet. As a result, someone feels upset and disappointed.

How to avoid it:
Agree on a price range in advance, for example, $5. Emphasize that the money spent matter less than the attention and creativity. Thus, it becomes easier to pick a gift, for example, funny socks, a large coloring book, notebooks, or a similar small item. The main thing is to keep gifts interesting and age-appropriate for kids.

What Not to Give

A child receives a beer-shaped candle, an air freshener, or a set of underwear. The first example is inappropriate in an elementary school context, the second could upset anyone, and the third is a bad choice for a child in all cases.

How to avoid it:
Agree upfront on what not to give, such as overly personal items, cosmetics, homemade food, or expensive electronics. Help your kids choose gifts that won't hurt anyone's feelings and are age-appropriate.

Also Read:

9 Ways to make Christmas magical for kids

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Handling Missing or Late Gifts

Someone forgets to buy a gift, brings it late, or fails to meet the game’s rules. The recipient is left without attention, and organizers have to look for a spare gift urgently.

How to avoid it:
The organizer should keep a checklist and monitor deadlines. Even if someone gets sick, you can ask another student or parent to bring the gift on time. Have a couple of small gifts at hand just in case so that no kid is left without a present.

Maintaining Anonymity

If the name of the Secret Santa becomes known too early, the intrigue disappears. Kids often tell their friends who they are giving to. This can lead to tears, quarrels, and hurt feelings.

How to avoid it:
Remind participants why secrecy matters. You can’t fully control children, but if a child understands why the secret is important and what happens if it’s broken, it’s easier for them to keep the secret.

Preventing Conflicts and Hurt Feelings

You probably wouldn’t want to give a gift to a boss who is mean to you. Similarly, your child has classmates they like and those they don’t.

If your experience might help you be calm about it to make the game happen, kids have a harder time with that.

How to avoid it:
The organizer should know who gives a gift to whom, and adjust matches if needed. This is easy to do with the MySanta app. The organizer can set certain children as exceptions, and they won't give to each other, which will prevent conflicts.

Managing the Game

If one person handles every aspect of the Secret Santa game, especially for a larger group of kids, they might get tired and mess something up.

How to avoid it:
Delegate some tasks to other parents or use a dedicated online organizer. For example, the MySanta service solves all the problems above. It automatically assigns Santas, supports exclusions, and preserves the intrigue until the very end. Moreover, kids can create wishlists and share gift wishes, which helps every participant choose a good present for a friend.

Try our MySanta app

You can create wishlists, add exclusions, and communicate with your gifree secretly. Moreover, there is an option to track gifts and ensure that everyone buys a present on time.

Start

Helping Kids to Make a Wishlist

Here's a common problem: children don’t know how to write a wishlist for Secret Santa with friends or classmates. Someone asks for a new iPhone, the other writes "anything", and both risk ending up disappointed.

Teach your kids to write a wishlist right so that it helps their Secret Santa choose a present, and your kid gets something they like.

Suggest your children taking these steps

Instead of one specific expensive item, write a category. For example: backpack keychain, school supplies, board games, sweet treats.

You can list several options so Santa has a choice.

Avoid vague phrases like “something awesome.” It’s better to be specific: something for drawing, an interesting fiction book, a winter accessory.

Small collections work well. If a child is into stickers, figurines, or markers, let them write that in the list.

How To Help a Child Choose an Appropriate Gift

Once the kids have written their wishlists, it’s time to buy or prepare presents. Here, adults can guide the child so they make a thoughtful and appropriate choice.

Explain to your children that giving a gift is not a contest. It's the attention and the desire to make someone else happy that matters.

Tell your child that a gift should:

1. Match the recipient’s age.
2. Reflect the interests of the person it’s for.
3. Bring usefulness or joy.
4. Be neatly presented and wrapped.

How To Create a Comfortable and Safe Game for Middle Schoolers

For older kids, Secret Santa more often goes off plan. Not all children are ready to spend money on a gift, and DIY crafts are no longer taken seriously. What matters most is peer opinion and how trendy the gift is, not the idea itself.

To set up a comfortable game for middle-schoolers, set up a budget in advance (say, $5 or more). This removes awkwardness: no one will bring a gift that’s too expensive, and everyone can participate on equal terms.

Gift ideas may include stationery with unusual designs, board games, books, candy sets, water cups, and small accessories (keychains, mugs, gloves).

What To Do If Something Goes Wrong

Even with the best preparation, unexpected situations can arise. A child can forget to buy a gift, get sick, or reveal who they're giving to before time.

To make sure everyone gets a gift, prepare universal items like books, candy sets, or stationery. A teacher or parent committee can keep such gifts on hand to quickly save the day when needed.

If a problem comes up after the exchange (for example, a gift turns out to be completely inappropriate), adults can discuss it with the kids. Explain that surprises don’t always hit the mark, and certain gifts are not suited for kids.

The main thing is to prevent hurt feelings and comparisons of gifts, because the goal of the game is to share emotions, have fun, and make new friends.

Conclusion

Secret Santa can become a warm experience of friendship and joy for children if adults offer timely guidance in choosing gifts, help set the rules, and preserve the intrigue. Then, the celebration will be easy and leave only good memories.

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